Pet Hates
1. Recordings of live music
I have inadvertantly bought these sorts of CDs (and more recently downloads) on several occasions, much to my chagrin. I find the screaming, whooping enthusiasm of thousands of fans a tad irksome, and it makes me feel left out: "Wow. Sounds like you all had a great time. I wish I'd been there."
2. Cats
What really is the point of them? You can name them, but they don't come when you call. They only deign to let you pay for their board and food as long as you continue to buy the specific (and discontinued) brand quail's liver pate
avec ambergris dressing.
You can spend a fortune on cat toy gadgetry, just for the cat to survey you with a haughty, aloof expression, whilst you pitifully twirl strands of feathers and cotton tied to a stick in a vain effort to engage it in some reciprecated interaction.
3. The new Johnson's Baby Oil bottle
What was wrong with the old one!? The old bottle used to have a handy flip top, now I have to contend with a screw cap followed by a 'no-spill' lip, which is a blatant misnomer. Now everytime I open the damn thing, oil pours all down the side of the bottle, and subsequently onto cabinets, clothes and carpets. Not cool Johnson, not cool.
4. The skin on hot milk
Who wants something stuck to their lip that looks like a bodily fluid Spiderman would excrete?
It seems a horrible trick to be enticed by an inviting mug of hot chocolate, only to be attacked by a volcanic film of clawing nastiness that tries to merge into your skin using reverse binary fission.
Bletch indeed.
5. Txt shrthnd
If you can understand the above, then I probably hate you.
Whilst I appreciate the English langauge has changed dramatically over several hundreds of years, from Chaucer to Shakespeare through to Dickens and Heaney, and will continue to evolve, I abhor the role text shorthand is playing in the development of our language. For a start, what happened to all the vowels? Are they cowering in some POW camp, waiting for the time when they will once again be accepted and understood?
Pet Loves
1. Assassin snails
After unsuccessfully treating our fish tank with molluscicide to kill the pest snails, which resulted in killing our lovely Simaese Fighter, we then resorted to squishing them on a daily basis. This didn't seem to impede their breeding, and we eventially decided to try a biological control in the form of Assassin snails. These little black and yellow beauties are brilliant! Within a couple of months all the pest snails were gone. Although they're breeding quite prolifically themselves now, so I think we may soon be in a similar situation to a certain old woman who swallowed a spider to catch a fly...
2. Early mornings
It's not so much the early part I enjoy, but the complete queit and solitude for that first half hour of the day. I get pretty territorial with my mornings and can be pretty savage to anyone who infringes on them. Apparently, this is nothing new, since I would literally growl at anyone who spoke to me before I had two beakers of tea when I was a toddler (I know, right? A two year old caffeine addict - imagine my poor parents peeling me off the walls by naptime).
3. Flannelette sheets
I know this makes me sound about 70, and I really don't care! The flannelette sheet is frankly my BFF over winter. I guess that technically makes it a BFW. No more the physiological shock of entering freezing cotton sheets on a mid-winter's night, or the restraining limpet-like Husband hug as I try to usurp as much of his heat as possible. Thank you flannelette sheets for your services to homeostasis.
4. Pencil drawing
I love my graphics tablet, but I will always have a soft spot for traditional pencil and ink drawing. Maybe I just don't know how to use my tablet properly yet (I certainly don't know how to digital colour very well), but I still find that my digital drawings lack a bit of personality compared to my pencil drawing.
On that note, there won't be any drawings on here till I move. I somewhat hastily packed away my graphics tablet when we were served the eviction notice last month. Bit premature, since we're not moving for another month.
5. Terrible word play
There's nohing more satisfying than lame puns, especially when they weren't intended (or punintentional humour
Haw! Haw!). I even enjoy that awkward embarassment you feel when you express a particulary awful paronomasia. Of course, I also love more high-brow word-play, but I'm not smart enough for that, so I content myself with the dregs of the literary gutter.
What are your pet hates and loves? Are there any little irritations that make your day feel that much longer, or anything that will make you smile regardless?
