Little Parasite's journal

I have a guest post from Little Parasite today.  It's a journal he kept for Husband when he (Husband) was away at the Reading Festival.

Friday
Mummy suggested I keep a journal for you, to let you know what I've been up to while you're away.  I wasn't sure at first because I'm quite busy, but she said you would like it so here it is.
I had Shreddies for breakfast which was new.  I managed to fit 4 in my mouth before Mummy took the bowl away and handed them to me one-by-one.  Then I spent a bit of time in my walker, tried climbing the TV stand, chased Boy Dog and played Peek-a-Boo with Mummy (for a brief moment I thought Mummy had vanished forever, but luckily she was behind the cloth the whole time).  Then I went for a nap.
After my nap, I had a quick bottle of milk and went in the car with Boy Dog to Eastwood Farm (I don't think it's really a farm at all though, because I didn't see any cows or pigs or sheep).  I met two of Mummy's friends and their dogs, Kaz and Lottie.  Kaz was funny and looked a little like Girl Dog.  One time she barked and made me jump so I nearly headbutted Mummy.  I liked Lottie because she was nice and gentle and quiet.  After an hour of being carried around I got tired so we went home.
I had lunch and then went for a nap.  But when I was in my cot I noticed the curtains blowing in a breeze and I wanted to touch them.  I went to the end of my cot and stood up so I could reach them.  Then I got stuck and got a little scared so cried until Mummy rescued me.
Then we went to the post office and a lady next to us dropped a whole necklace of beads on the floor.  It made a lovely clattering noise.  Mummy helped the lady pick up the beads, but they didn't drop them again, which was a little disappointing.
When we got home, I attempted to nap again.  This time Mummy put me in my sleeping bag so I couldn't stand up and I slept for 2 hours.  Mummy had to wake me up for dinner!  I fell over and bumped my head before dinner, and it hurt so I cried.
After dinner, Mummy and I played with my ribbon pot and discovery bottles, but I really wanted to play with Boy Dog.  Then I had my bath, and Mummy read me one of my new library books (we went to the library after the post office) before I went to sleep.

Mummy told me you went to the Reading Festival. Why do you need to go to a field to read?  I have lots of books you could borrow.

Saturday
Today I woke up grumpy because my mouth hurt.  I had some teething powder and felt a bit better so I could play.
I went in my walker and the bouncer whilst Mummy did stuff in the house.  She put something in the walls that she called 'Polyfella.'  I'm not sure who Polyfella is, or why he wants to live in our walls.
I had a really short morning nap, so I was still grumpy when I woke up.  I had a snack, tried climbing my mobile, fell off and bumped my head.  I don't like bumping my head.  Mummy tried putting me down for another nap (I think she wanted to secretly eat the Toffee Crisp she thinks I don't know about) and I slept for 2 hours.
I then had lunch and we took Boy Dog for a walk in the field.  Mummy brushed Boy Dog's fur, but I was bored just sitting there so encouraged her to hurry up.  When we got home I went to the kitchen and on the floor was a bowl of gloop [Ed: This was a cornflour and water mix for messy play] that looked like milk.  I tipped the bowl over and the gloop spread over the floor.  It felt funny between my toes!  It was odd because it looked like liquid, but when I picked it up it went solid then liquid again.  It didn't taste very nice.  I had a bath in the kitchen sink after which was fun.
I was really tired, but I didn't want to go to sleep, so I stayed up until bedtime.  I was very grumpy by then, and my gums were hurting again so Mummy gave me some of that tasty pink goo [Ed: Calpol].
In the bath, I found a metal ribbon.  But when I pulled it my bath water started to vanish!  I found a hole where it was running away to and tried to pull it back in, but it was very slippery so I ended up sat in an empty bathtub.  I then got ready for bed and Mummy read a story about a kangaroo!

Sunday
Today I am officially 8 months old.  I don't know where the time's gone.  Mummy tried to make me feel better about being 8 months old and told me she's 32 years old next month.  She's a very silly Mummy.  No one can be that old.  It did cheer me up though.
I didn't play very much this morning.  I woke up because I was hungry, but I wasn't very awake.  I stayed up for an hour after breakfast then went back to bed for 2 hours.
We went shopping when I woke up, which used to be fun, but I've realised it's just the same thing over and over.  I entertained myself by pretending I was going to have a boredom tantrum whenever we were near a large group of people, then Mummy had to make loud, silly noises to stop my pretend tantrum.  I wonder how long I can get away with that?
I had humus for lunch, and it makes a really good finger paint too.  Then I went for a nap.
We went to Ashton Court in the afternoon with Boy Dog.  I got to have my snack and milk outdoors!  It was even better when Mummy moved to a new spot once she realised she parked me by a dog poo bin at first.  We walked for ages, and did a lot of off-roading as there were hundreds of steps everywhere that Mummy was obviously trying to avoid.  Mummy said we should come back again with you, but probably not tomorrow as you'd be feeling delicate.  Do they throw the books at you at the Reading Festival?
We got home after dinnertime, so we had a late dinner, then some games (I found a new game where I crawl toward the TV stand, and Mummy slides me backwards by my trousers across the floor).
At bath time I remembered the metal ribbon and pulled it again.  The water ran away again too.

I'm looking forward to seeing you tomorrow and playing - Mummy is rubbish at rough-housing, but she does try.  I've missed you!

Returning to work

I have finally negotiated the complicated path of requesting flexible working when my maternity leave ends at work.  For some inexplicable reason I had thought it would be a fairly straightforward process that would go something like this:

Me: "Can I come back part-time on the following days...?"
HR-Powers-That-be: "Yes/no"

Which would then result in me either happily toddling back to work under the agreed schedule, or unhappily plodding through endless job searches and rejections.

What it actually entails is this:

Me: "Can I come back part-time on the following days...?"
HR-Powers-That-be: "You need to fill out this convoluted form in detail.  We will not accept 'not applicable' as a response even if the question is totally irrelevant to your role."

I then return the form only to find they need more detail.  Like, a lot more detail.  We're talking a detailed account of Husband's shift pattern over the next 3 years, an immunoglobulin test result from Little Parasite, and a description of my proposed route to work including Google Map diagram.
The form is returned again and then I'm invited to a formal discussion with
HR-Powers-That-Be.  Expecting to have my work plan ripped a new one, I am somewhat surprised when essentially the only question they have is "may we phone you on your off days should we need to?"
Then, I wait a couple of weeks for the decision letter that will either see me sigh with relief, or sign up to numerous job seeker sites.

Fortunately, my request has been accepted so there is a lot less free-flying cortisol in the house.  Of course this has now freed up vital worry space in my brain to focus on the practicalities of returning to work.  I'm suddenly confronted with such pertinent questions as 'where the hell are my hair straighteners?' and 'do I even own clothes not stained with baby puke anymore?' This awakening to just how blinded I've become to my increasingly disheveled appearance warrants its own post (which I will no doubt neglect to write).

Apart from the obvious concern of forgetting how to actually do my job and dissolving into a pool of my own incompetency, I'm a little concerned that I may attempt to transfer my new found parenting skills into the workplace.  For example, when people become agitated during meetings I'm genuinely worried I may automatically start singing 'the wheels on the bus' to mollify them.

I still have a couple of months of maternity leave left before returning to work, and I fully intend to make the most of them with messy play, trips to the park, swimming and baby groups before the shock of a structured day hits us all.  Poor Little Parasite; kiss goodbye to your random 08:30 lie-ins.

Have you returned to work after a lengthy time off? How did you cope?  Did anything surprise you about the process?