The mime poo game

I'm sure Tangent is a wannabe starlet. On a walk he quite often scampers (I've never had a dog that scampered before) off to find somewhere suitable to poo. Now, Tangent and I have different opinions of what this actually means. To me, it's most convenient if he poops on open ground, preferably on short grass. Tangent, however, approaches the process from an entirely different viewpoint. He seems to have a penchant for pooing on brambles, thorns or anything else that will pierce a poo bag. (If you're not familiar with poo bags, these are basically nappy sacks that are so thin only will power alone holds the molecules of plastic together).

Other favourite places for him include anywhere involving height. He will reverse backwards towards his desired object, with his bottom in the air ready to make his deposit. This can be quite funny, except when you realise he's pooped in your plant pots containing your herbs and vegetables.

He even once swam across a river and pooed on the far-side bank. I had to wade across the river to clean up after him.

All this is irritating enough, but he also plays an infuriating game with me whereby he will pretend to poo. He is very convincing and really throws himself into the role of defecating dog. When I go to pick up after him I can't find anything. As he only does this in crowded public places, I find myself thoroughly scrutinising the ground before quickly grabbing a handful of grass, leaves or small pebbles and depositing them in the poo bins. I'm sure I've met the shifty eye of a fellow fake-faeces thrower on more than one occasion.