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Friday 15 July 2011

Fear

I have an embarrassing confession.  Despite growing up as a Tomboy, and studying Zoology at University, I am not a huge fan of spiders.  This is embarrassing because I do actually like spiders and I think they do a superb job of controlling flies etc., but they still make me uneasy.
However, this is a contextual fear, since I don't mind spiders if I know where they are.  I can happily live with them for weeks if they stay visible in a corner of a room (this probably says more about my dusting skills).  But if they appear unexpectedly (such as in my coat pocket, or emerging from a box of cereal), I react like a huge sissy girl complete with flapping hands, stamping feet and calls along the line of 'Eeeeeeeee!!!!!!'

I know exactly when this fear of arachnid ninja skills began.  I was 14, and had just stepped out of the shower.  I grabbed my towel from the rail and a massive spider fell out of the fabric folds onto my foot.  I emitted a shrill death-shriek of a scream, which immediately summoned my mum who must have thought I'd slipped and cracked my head open on the sink.

The combination of unexpected spider coupled with the vulnerability of being naked fixed the experience firmly in my psyche. So, although a bit wussy, at least it makes sense!

A spider, should anyone need to know what one looks like.

I do, however, have a fear that I would even go so far as to say is a border-line phobia.  Maggots.  Even typing the words has made my mouth dry.  I have no idea where this stems from.  Although I do recall several memories quite vividly...

I can remember catching the bust to school once, and there was a dead cat - probably hit by a car - lying broken in the bushes.  Several days later, I noticed the carcass had become a writhing ripple of tiny, white waves.  It had become the birthplace of the next generation of flies.  That was it; for the next 6 months I walked half a mile to a different bus stop.

A further encounter with maggots was shortly after I moved to Bristol.  I was emptying the food waste bin into another recycling point in our garden, when I thought I saw some old rice move.  It didn't take long to realise that the rice were actually maggots.  Once I had recovered from my petrified state, and could use my legs again, I swiftly retreated to the other end of the garden, knocking the bin over as I went.  Husband came out to see why I had scurried away like a disturbed cockroach, and noticing the abandoned bin, realised what had happened.
I refused to go back in through the door as some of the maggots had spilled out across the floor by the door, so Husband went back indoors and opened the kitchen window.  I climbed through and crawled over the sink, dropping head first onto the floor.  Husband then made me a cup of hot, sweet tea (normally I can't stand sweet tea!) as I had gone completely pale and faint.  Actually, thinking about it, I'm starting to think this could be a proper phobia. 

 A maggot.  Well, I tried to draw one, but I
couldn't bring myself to do it.

I always understood the nature of fear to be purely functional.  Fearing potentially poisonous spiders etc. makes logical sense from an evolutionary standpoint, but a phobia seems to be a survival instinct gone wrong.  Maggots are not dangerous, they are not poisonous.  In fact, they are full of protein and probably a healthy snack.  Empirically I understand this, but I still freak out disproportionately when I encounter them.

Does anyone else have any fears that don't make rational sense they would like to share?

4 comments:

Paula said...

Actually, a fear of maggots makes sense to me. From an evolutionary point of view, they warn of rotten meat, a source of disease and obvious food poisoning. Revulsion stops you going to close to the source of disease. Plus, they are indeed truly gross.

Talking of fears, Mark had to jump around the lounge to catch a large moth that got into the house this evening because I was cowering in the hallway and refusing to go back in the room. Flying things in the house freak me out!

I am also sort of afraid of heights. I get vertigo when I am in high places, so I avoid them. I guess I am afraid of vertigo, rather than afraid of heights! A fear of heights makes sense from an evolutionary point of view though I guess.

Lainey said...

That's a good point about the maggots. Although they only eat rotten meat; not healthy flesh, so maybe they are nature's quality control for food!

I totally get the moth thing. Although that may be due to the one that got stuck in my ear once :/

The vertigo fear kinda makes sense on an evolutionary stand-point (i.e. heights = falls = injury/humiliation). Although we are descended from apes, which spend a lot of time in trees. Having said that, they can also nest on the ground. I don't know what I'm talking about.

Sarah Gregson said...

i have a phobia of fir trees, yes thats right Christmas trees! they give me the creeps and that all comes from when i was a child say 8 or 9 where i walked past one in a garden and a voice behind it said "Sarah, i am coming to get you", ever since i cant go near one. i nevver have a christmas tree and although i love cross country cycling i always check the route to make sure i will not have to go near one. i guess i subconsciously expect some sort of Triffid thing to happen where i gat attacked. stupid really, but at least your fear is normal.

Lainey said...

That must make Christmas a bit awkward when visiting!
A triffid Xmas tree would be pretty creepy though :s